And now for a quick interjection! Of course, not everything about 2009 was awesome — far from it. So, before I get to my favourite thing from ‘09, here is a short list of some things that have irritated me to no end in the past year:

3) The Edmonton Oilers

My prediction for 2010: they will continue to be just bad enough to not make the playoffs, but not good enough for a top draft pick. Currently the second-worst team in the NHL, they’ll fuck up their chance at Taylor Hall by going on a massive winning streak in February, followed by a 10th place finish in the Western Conference and a draft pick somewhere between 8th and 12th overall.

2) The Government of Canada’s “Your Kids Are Learning a New Language” Commercial (WATCH)

Look, I don’t care if this commercial actually came out in 2008. They started running this shit on our televisions again late in 2009, so it counts.

There are so many things wrong with this commercial, I don’t even know where to begin. So, I’m just gonna fire off a series of questions: Who the fuck actually calls cocaine “powder”? Or ecstasy “love drug”? Why is George Lopez Jr. staring into my soul when he says “juicy”? If you go up to a dealer and ask him for “powder,” don’t you deserve to be scammed? If you go up to a dealer and ask him for “juicy,” won’t you get beat the fuck up? Is the “love drug” girl flirting with me? In a similar vein, why the fuck is a ten-year-old girl running her hands through her hair, while she says “love drug” in a sultry voice, in a spot for the THE GOVERNMENT OF CANADA?! Anyone?!

1) Stereos

I’m not even bothering to link to any of their music, because I’d never do that to my loyal readers (all 10 of them). You want to rummage through YouTube’s dumpster for their sopping pile of non-musical, Auto-Tuned garbage and perform a nice, hearty skullfuck on your eardrums, be my guest — but it’ll be through no fault of my own. I warned you.

When put next to Stereos’ music, the prospect of things like AIDS, H1N1, and terrorism don’t seem so bad.